Fat, Single, and Ready To Eat a Pringle

I've been single for a while now and I have to say it's going very well.

Like....it's working out.

I think I'm the one.

Funny or Gross?

You decide.

A homeless man walks into a restaurant and sits down at the bar. He looks around and notices a man staring intently at a bowl of chili.

He asks the man, "Hey man, if your not going to eat that, can I have it?"

"Sure", the man says, "have at it".

The man passes the bowl of chili down and the homeless man digs in. About halfway thru, and he notices a dead mouse in the bowl.

He proceeds to throw-up back into the bowl.

The other man looks at him and says, "Yea, that's about as far as I got too".


OH!! FYI!! the number was 8, my favorite number?? did you know that?

eli, tickled my funny bone

okay...so i was reading the joke section in Readers Digest, and most of the time the jokes are pretty good, but this one really tickled my funny bone.....

After reading up on the fine points of ice fishing, a young woman heads onto the ice.Just as she is about drill her first hole, a booming voice from above bellows, "There are no fish under the ice!"
The woman is startled, but she keeps drilling.
Again the voice thunders, "There are no fish under the ice!"
Now the woman is shaking visibly.But she takes a deep breath, and just as she's about to cut a new hole-
"There are no fish under the ice!"
The frightened woman looks skyward and asks, "Is that you, Lord"
"No, this is the manager of the skating rink"

Oh, and by the way.....I LOVE THE.........BOOK OF ELI!!!!!!!!! THAT IS ONE OF THE BEST MOVIES I HAVE SEEN IN TWO YEARS!!!!!