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Wednesday, September 9, 2009

CHUCK NORRIS IS AWESOME!!!

.....and a Christian. I heard him on K-Love once, he gave his testimony, I am now a huge Chuck Norris fan. I think he is most famous for his major acting part in the hit TV series Walker,Texas Ranger.He has been lots of movies, but i personally know him best from Walker,Texas Ranger. I am sure a lot of you know this, but if you go to Google, type in Find Chuck Norris, then press the I'm Feeling Lucky button. This is what Google says,



Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows, you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.



Suggestions:

~Run, before he finds you.
~Try a different person.





Now, I Googled him, and found some hilarious Chuck Norris jokes, some good, some...not so good. Some were so good, I thought i would share them with you. Now the ones I have listed here are not even half of all the ones i found, these are just the ones I liked best. Feel free to/ to not read them all.



Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.

Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.

The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.

Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Chuck Norris.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”


Chuck Norris writes half of the jokes on this site, he likes his fans to be informed


Chuck Norris didn't wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

Chuck Norris doesn't step away from the vehicle. The vehicle steps away from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris isn't afraid of the dark; the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.


Chuck Norris counted to infinity...............TWICE!!!

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, he decides what time it is.

Although it is not common knowledge, there three sides of the force, the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.


In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more than you.


When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.

A duck’s quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon.


Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany.

Chuck Norris is actually Jeeves from AskJeeves.com


Chuck Norris has every single copy of National Geographic in his basement. He also has the ability to lift every single one of them at once.

In 1945, Adolf Hitler was really kicked to death by a five year old Chuck Norris.


Mr. Clean is really Chuck Norris with a shaved head and an ear-ring.

Chuck Norris also played the Black guy in Walker Texas Ranger.


Chuck Norris invented American flag pants.

Chuck Norris invented the beard.

Chuck Norris has no use for books since he has a little computer that just downloads information into his brain. He likes to think Charles Dickens' stories while he works out.


During the 1970's he taught The Price is Right host Bob Barker karate.(True)

Chuck Norris saw evil, spoke evil, and heard evil. Then he gave evil a sharp roundhouse kick to the head.


Chuck Norris diabolically invented Vin Diesel in an effort to help win WWII.

8 comments:

Muse of Randomness said...

Chuck Norris annoys me. It's like he has a superiority complex which for no reason I see, everyone supports.

Or maybe I'm just sick of jokes trying to convince me of his supposed awesomeness. You choose.

Lydia said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lydia said...

haha I like it!!

Aaron said...

That's awesome!

Raja-Man said...

I don't think Chuck Norris is trying to prove that he is awesome. I think that we(the people) have put him on such a high pedastol.I don't believe that in any way shape and form Chuck has a superiority complex, at all. I don't think Chuck himself is trying do do what you say. Other people are.

Muse of Randomness said...

Alrighty then, I'm sick of the people doing it.

His Handmaidens said...

I agree fully with muse of randomness.Ugg

Raja-Man said...

I wonder how old he is now.....